[video]

[golden_hawke]

--best that you are no longer here. -=it sounds like Hawke is speaking to someone, but there's no one visible from the PCD's angle.=-

There are humans here, and while they do not know you, you would not be happy. It is... good, too.. you will not remember. -=his hands are cradling some feathers that don't look native here. And a strip of leather.=-

I will remember. Always.




[[OOC: FYI, while the log hasn't finished, Hawke accidently killed Saul while everyone tried to contain him after setting Sasuke's house on fire. So not only is he dealing with Sohl gone, he's trying to deal with the fact that he killed someone.]]

Comments

[vile-queen.livejournal.com]

Then what do you specifically believe to be half-true only?

[golden_hawke]

-=Oh, wonderful mixed messages. While Carmen gives him all the credit, Anko tries to take it.=-

[Humans and their pointless talk. It is little wonder that they always war.]

Enjoy your kill, then.



[[Brackets indicate his native language and isn't translated by the PCD.]]

[scarysnakelady]

Mmm, still not getting it.

Whatever, doesn't matter. You want it on my hands, fine. I'm used to it, at least.

[golden_hawke]

I wish to no longer speak of it.

[vile-queen.livejournal.com]

[Her voice is hard, now.]

You called me a liar. A half-truth is still a lie. All other things in this conversation I can abide and do not mind, but that is a personal insult. It is exceptionally rude to say such a thing and then decide to no longer wish to speak.

[scarysnakelady]

Mmm, of course. Well now, didn't know you cared so damn much about Koumei-san and his plans.

Against the plan? Hardly. He wanted him broken, utterly, and I was willing to use any force necessary and cause whatever harm necessary to achieve such an end. I wanted him dead. I did not kill him. Take from that what you wish.

Perhaps next time.

[vile-queen.livejournal.com]

There are few enough intelligent people in the city. A shame.

You said you would have killed him, however.

[golden_hawke]

And you declaring that I am a liar was no larger an insult? I had the grace to ignore it. You do not know where I come from, you do not know who I am. I do not know who you are. You are the one who seems to care more that I have killed than I am.

You are the one to care more that I remember it. You are not my elder, there is no reason for you to press it.

Do not insult first, if you wish not to be insulted.

[User has signed off]

[scarysnakelady]

If I had been the one to land the killing blow.

[Private//Unhackable]

[bunny_flower]

Do you wish to speak about it ?

[Private//Unhackable]

[golden_hawke]

It is not something that should be made less than by speaking over the machine.

[vile-queen.livejournal.com]

[She doesn't need to say anything else. Carmen's smirking.]

[Private//Unhackable]

[bunny_flower]

WE can speak about it in person, Hawke-san.

[Private//Unhackable]

[golden_hawke]

I would wish that.

[Private//Unhackable]

[bunny_flower]

I have been trying to make some soothing infusions with some native plants. I will make some.

Would you rather I joined you outside ?

[Private//Unhackable]

[golden_hawke]

-=nods=-

That would be fine. I will see you soon?

[Private//Unhackable] --> to Offline ?

[bunny_flower]

I shall be there shortly.

[She puts her dried plants, hot water, teapot and two goblets in a small pouch and sets out to find Hawke.]

Offline

[golden_hawke]

-=He's not hiding. Just out in the grass, looking up at the sky. In fact, he's braced back with his arms, eyes closed, basking in the sun for now. He know's Unohana's here, but he doesn't move.=-


The sun is not as strong as it was before.

Offline

[bunny_flower]

[Unohana sits down and starts pouring the hot water, adding the herbs for the infusion.]

It never is when one has lost something or someone, Hawke-san.

Offline

[golden_hawke]

I know it is better. That he is not here.

-=drops his head down to hide his eyes in his hair.=-

And I did not want to kill.

Offline

[bunny_flower]

Of course you did not.

[The infusion is starting to emit a soft, fragrant herbal scent, and Unohana holds out a hand to put on Hawke's head, gentle and motherly.]

Being able to kill and wanting to are very different things. Most people are able to kill, but very few want to.

Offline

[golden_hawke]

-=closes his eyes against the tears, sighing shaky as he presses his forehead into her hand.=-

I did not want this. People say that I take credit. Others say that I should not. I do not know what to do. My thoughts... they do not belong in their world. They do not understand.

Offline

[bunny_flower]

No, they do not Hawke-san. How could they ? They are only human. What they do not understand, they will attempt to explain in a way that makes sense to them, even if it does not reflect reality.

[She threads her fingers through his hair slowly.]

Was it the firt time you killed a human being ?

Offline

[golden_hawke]

It is the first I have killed, and it not be needed for food.

-=his voice breaks and he scoots closer.=-

Long ago... my mother asked Shai to train me. To teach me to be good and not use my magic to kill or harm. I feel... I have disappointed them.

Offline

[bunny_flower]

Why, Hawke-san ? Because you made a mistake ?

[He's close enough now that she can wrap an arm around his shoulders.]

It does not make you a bad person. If a bad decision or a mistake turned one into a bad person, there wouldn't be many good people left in the world.

In the end, you do not, indeed, bear the responsibility alone. But your feelings are your own to come to terms with. Do not let others decide for you.