golden_hawke | [video]

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[video]

--best that you are no longer here. -=it sounds like Hawke is speaking to someone, but there's no one visible from the PCD's angle.=-

There are humans here, and while they do not know you, you would not be happy. It is... good, too.. you will not remember. -=his hands are cradling some feathers that don't look native here. And a strip of leather.=-

I will remember. Always.

[[OOC: FYI, while the log hasn't finished, Hawke accidently killed Saul while everyone tried to contain him after setting Sasuke's house on fire. So not only is he dealing with Sohl gone, he's trying to deal with the fact that he killed someone.]]

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I would wish that.

I have been trying to make some soothing infusions with some native plants. I will make some.

Would you rather I joined you outside ?

-=nods=-

That would be fine. I will see you soon?

I shall be there shortly.

[She puts her dried plants, hot water, teapot and two goblets in a small pouch and sets out to find Hawke.]

-=He's not hiding. Just out in the grass, looking up at the sky. In fact, he's braced back with his arms, eyes closed, basking in the sun for now. He know's Unohana's here, but he doesn't move.=-

The sun is not as strong as it was before.

[Unohana sits down and starts pouring the hot water, adding the herbs for the infusion.]

It never is when one has lost something or someone, Hawke-san.

I know it is better. That he is not here.

-=drops his head down to hide his eyes in his hair.=-

And I did not want to kill.

Of course you did not.

[The infusion is starting to emit a soft, fragrant herbal scent, and Unohana holds out a hand to put on Hawke's head, gentle and motherly.]

Being able to kill and wanting to are very different things. Most people are able to kill, but very few want to.

-=closes his eyes against the tears, sighing shaky as he presses his forehead into her hand.=-

I did not want this. People say that I take credit. Others say that I should not. I do not know what to do. My thoughts... they do not belong in their world. They do not understand.

No, they do not Hawke-san. How could they ? They are only human. What they do not understand, they will attempt to explain in a way that makes sense to them, even if it does not reflect reality.

[She threads her fingers through his hair slowly.]

Was it the firt time you killed a human being ?

It is the first I have killed, and it not be needed for food.

-=his voice breaks and he scoots closer.=-

Long ago... my mother asked Shai to train me. To teach me to be good and not use my magic to kill or harm. I feel... I have disappointed them.

Why, Hawke-san ? Because you made a mistake ?

[He's close enough now that she can wrap an arm around his shoulders.]

It does not make you a bad person. If a bad decision or a mistake turned one into a bad person, there wouldn't be many good people left in the world.

In the end, you do not, indeed, bear the responsibility alone. But your feelings are your own to come to terms with. Do not let others decide for you.

-=mashes his forehead against her side. There's soft, wet, sniffing sounds.=-

He will come back. He may try to hurt those I love to get back at me. Fear does not h-hold me. It holds... holds Edward and the others. -=He wraps his arms around her, shuddering hard.=-

Yes, he may ... And yet, he may not. We cannot know until he is, indeed, back. And we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

[She all but pets him. It must be difficult for him, facing this as the only person from his world is gone.]

-=Indeed. The last day that Sohl was here, he was strong for him, but now, he would pull his own blood to the last drop if he could be consoled by him again.=-

...

I know.

[She's never killed a human being herself. In fact, it goes against everything she is, soe she can only imagine how devastating it would be if it had happened to her ... but in a way, she understands the shock.]

Here.

[She holds out a hand to grab the teapot and pours the infusion into a goblet, handing it to him.]

This is my first try with the native plants, and you're the first person to try it, so I hope it helps. It is supposed to be relaxing and soothing.

I thank you.

-=he holds the goblet with both hands, taking comfort in the warmth. He stares at it for a while, not really paying attention, still leaning against Unohana.=-

I did not want to bring harm to my friends.

I am sure they all know you did not want that, Hawke-san. And they would not blame you for it.

[She pets his hair, and nudges the goblet.]

Drink up, Hawke-san. It will help.

-=nods, taking a sip.=-

It is good. Thank you.

I am glad.

[She takes a sip of her own, savoring the taste.]

Not my best creation, but not so bad for a first try, I would say.

Do not burden yourself too much, Hawke-san.

Practice is always good. -=rumbles softly, falling quiet for a while.=-

Those are words I would tell Shai when he becomes quiet and his thoughts loud.

Then you know exactly what I am talking about, Hawke-san.

Know what is in your heart, and do not let it paralyze you, but use to protect what is precious to you. That's the only piece of advice I can give.

-=head tilt.=-

What is paral-eyes?

It means ...

[Unohana thinks for a minute ...]

It means that something is preventing you from moving, keeping immobile.

To be like stone.

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